Do you have a dating checklist? | Opinion
Are you too selective, or not selective enough? Don’t lower your standards, shorten your list.
Many single women and men tell me: There’s no good single people out there. All the good ones are taken.
The truth is, there are. And lots of them.
We all make checklists. Sometimes it’s a checklist of errands to do for the weekend, or for the grocery store, or New Year’s resolutions. But the most popular one is a checklist for relationships, or what you’re looking for in a partner. which can be beneficial. But don’t be too picky.
If you find yourself in a pattern of dating the wrong people, a dating checklist can help you identify what traits aren’t working to find a healthy relationship. When it comes to finding a partner, I feel people need to be more realistic when making a list and be more flexible. A realistic checklist contains emotional, realistic, personal traits, as opposed to superficial things, like height, weight or hair color.
Try to keep fantasy and vanity off your list. You’re not buying an object. You are looking for a life partner. You may also let a wonderful woman or man pass you by because they didn’t check off everything.
I think it’s healthy when people write down what they’re looking for. But at the same time, the longer your checklist, the more frustrated you may be when dating. You can lessen your checklist without lowering your standards.
If you have a checklist of 10 most important things you’re looking for, keep it. But learn to accept three to five qualities or attributes you’re looking for. Nobody’s going to check everything off. If that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll be single for a long time.
In my opinion, if someone checks off three important qualities, they’re worth giving a shot. Sometimes you get your first, second or fourth wish, which you should be happy with. It doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s got to check off your top five. So keep an open mind.
What’s interesting is our checklist may change over time. I know when I was in my 20s, my checklist was very different than when I was in my 40s. And it’s OK to make adjustments. As we get older and more mature, sometimes our wants and needs change as well.
If you’re single and have always used a checklist that you feel hasn’t been working for you, you should reevaluate what you’re looking for. You can always see what has gone wrong in past relationships and may revisit what works for you and what doesn’t. Your checklist should work as a guide for you. And learn to be flexible.
Keep this in mind:
- Too many things to check off may prevent you from dating more people.
- You may disqualify somebody too early.
- Sometimes it’s the person you least expect that you hit it off with the most.
Your checklist should also contain deal breakers. Not a laundry list of deal breakers, but a few that are nonnegotiable for you. Aside from the obvious of lying or cheating, for example, there is wanting a family, religion or location.
There’s a difference between being able to compromise and being too picky. For example, if you meet a wonderful guy who doesn’t dress exactly the way you like, that is something that could always change.
The checklist is a way to figure out what you want without selling yourself short. Good relationships start with the decisions. Good relationships nourish and allow each partner to feel accepted. Always look out for the red flags, and the deal breakers. But keep in mind, the more you are open minded, the more opportunities you have to meet the right one.